Not quite ready for the game
Over the last couple of days I've been trying to think how to frame this initial trial into the "dating game" as to not place too much credit or blame on me or subject A. In considering this, for the life of me, I could not remember his goddamn name! Maybe Mike...could be? Seriously, I know it was a common name and it might very well BE Mike but honestly it could be anything else. So we will just stick with that. Real name or not, Mike it is.
So I starting my online dating adventures simply enough. POF. Plenty O' Fish. More of a fast food restaurant title. An intended reference perhaps? God I hope so. But I thought it was a decent place to start. Profiles were rather involved and comprehensive. I was truthful but coy. Serious but playful. Posted recent, honest photos. Then sat back and watched the messages flood in. Literally it was like a part time job going through them at first. Of course I was "fresh meat" and the sharks smelled the chum in the water. Eighty percent of the messages were promptly deleted based on photos (yep, I'm just as superficial as a dude!) and another 10% because of various profile "flaws". After a few exchanges another 5% were blocked. I wish I had saved those conversations somewhere, I'm sure some would have been hilarious to look back on. So, that leaves with the remaining 5%. Half of those the guys probably lost interest or had a more "interesting" conversation going. And yes, those chats made it to sex in a matter of minutes...every...single...one. I didn't really fucking care, of course. I had just made it out of 16 years of pretty standard bedroom stuff. It wasn't bad sex but it wasn't mind blowing either.
My intent on POF was not to find true love or my next husband. I was not very discerning. I didn't ask the correct perfunctory questions. Do you have a job? What do you do? Are you married? How many kids do you have? I suppose that was my initial mistake. Anywho...
I began talking to this Mike guy. It was good conversation. Even when it turned sexual it was still intelligent, if that can be possible. I was intrigued. Of course he also baited me the best way anyone can...he basically said I wasn't sexual enough for him. All my big life moments can be tracked to someone saying "you're not enough ____" and me replying "oh yeah, watch this". My folks kinda miss the boat on that one.
Mr. Mike and I were exchanging messages for a beat. I knew he lived about 2 hours away, had a house, had kids, smoked pot occasionally....maybe a few other key details but that was probably the only concrete facts. As they were.
We were planning to meet, then I impulsively (this word will basically define my life over the next 3 years) decided to drive after work to see him. After a 12 hour shift, I made the drive to his place. He was there with a buddy, smoking pot. I had brought my own wine (essentially how most other encounter would transpire. Imagine that). He was a decent looking guy. A guy's guy, nothing like anything I had known. I was more into metro guys. He was ex military, rough around the edges. It was refreshing. Now in hindsight, what the fuck was I thinking! I mean I still have a clear picture in my mind what the house looked like on the inside. Good god, it was a fucking disaster. Just a mess...even for a guy. But I didn't care. I was there to drink and have a good time...I mean, get laid.
The sex was good and fun. But then the red flags started popping up. Three kids (maybe four?), no regular job, smoked pot all the time, raging conservative, and racist. All of these I completely ignored. Okay, maybe not ignored but definitely looked around. He prompted introduced me to everyone. Kids, friends, ex wife, and I think I even talked to his mom. Of course I was shelling out money for anything we did, invited him to my town for a job fair. He was my project. I poured quite a bit into it.
You get the picture. A couple months go by...
Then one day I'm at work he texts me to say he is going to a friend's and a girl is going to be there, just a friend but is that okay with me. At first, I thought, well sure. Then I was thinking it was a test. How do I play this? So, I was super cool. Sure babe! Have fun, wish I could be there. And then the flood gates opened...and his crazy came out. It turned into a full blown fight. I didn't care about him. I needed to stake my claim on my man. Whoa, well I failed that test. Then my crazy kicked in! I totally freaked out. Did some insanely stupid shit. Completely embarrassed myself. Talked a lot to my coworkers about this guy...and how could he do this? This unemployed pothead father of 3 or 4 kids??? WTF?!?
And then one of my 20 something coworkers turns to me and says, "You know, you need to get on Tinder..."
=)
So I starting my online dating adventures simply enough. POF. Plenty O' Fish. More of a fast food restaurant title. An intended reference perhaps? God I hope so. But I thought it was a decent place to start. Profiles were rather involved and comprehensive. I was truthful but coy. Serious but playful. Posted recent, honest photos. Then sat back and watched the messages flood in. Literally it was like a part time job going through them at first. Of course I was "fresh meat" and the sharks smelled the chum in the water. Eighty percent of the messages were promptly deleted based on photos (yep, I'm just as superficial as a dude!) and another 10% because of various profile "flaws". After a few exchanges another 5% were blocked. I wish I had saved those conversations somewhere, I'm sure some would have been hilarious to look back on. So, that leaves with the remaining 5%. Half of those the guys probably lost interest or had a more "interesting" conversation going. And yes, those chats made it to sex in a matter of minutes...every...single...one. I didn't really fucking care, of course. I had just made it out of 16 years of pretty standard bedroom stuff. It wasn't bad sex but it wasn't mind blowing either.
My intent on POF was not to find true love or my next husband. I was not very discerning. I didn't ask the correct perfunctory questions. Do you have a job? What do you do? Are you married? How many kids do you have? I suppose that was my initial mistake. Anywho...
I began talking to this Mike guy. It was good conversation. Even when it turned sexual it was still intelligent, if that can be possible. I was intrigued. Of course he also baited me the best way anyone can...he basically said I wasn't sexual enough for him. All my big life moments can be tracked to someone saying "you're not enough ____" and me replying "oh yeah, watch this". My folks kinda miss the boat on that one.
Mr. Mike and I were exchanging messages for a beat. I knew he lived about 2 hours away, had a house, had kids, smoked pot occasionally....maybe a few other key details but that was probably the only concrete facts. As they were.
We were planning to meet, then I impulsively (this word will basically define my life over the next 3 years) decided to drive after work to see him. After a 12 hour shift, I made the drive to his place. He was there with a buddy, smoking pot. I had brought my own wine (essentially how most other encounter would transpire. Imagine that). He was a decent looking guy. A guy's guy, nothing like anything I had known. I was more into metro guys. He was ex military, rough around the edges. It was refreshing. Now in hindsight, what the fuck was I thinking! I mean I still have a clear picture in my mind what the house looked like on the inside. Good god, it was a fucking disaster. Just a mess...even for a guy. But I didn't care. I was there to drink and have a good time...I mean, get laid.
The sex was good and fun. But then the red flags started popping up. Three kids (maybe four?), no regular job, smoked pot all the time, raging conservative, and racist. All of these I completely ignored. Okay, maybe not ignored but definitely looked around. He prompted introduced me to everyone. Kids, friends, ex wife, and I think I even talked to his mom. Of course I was shelling out money for anything we did, invited him to my town for a job fair. He was my project. I poured quite a bit into it.
You get the picture. A couple months go by...
Then one day I'm at work he texts me to say he is going to a friend's and a girl is going to be there, just a friend but is that okay with me. At first, I thought, well sure. Then I was thinking it was a test. How do I play this? So, I was super cool. Sure babe! Have fun, wish I could be there. And then the flood gates opened...and his crazy came out. It turned into a full blown fight. I didn't care about him. I needed to stake my claim on my man. Whoa, well I failed that test. Then my crazy kicked in! I totally freaked out. Did some insanely stupid shit. Completely embarrassed myself. Talked a lot to my coworkers about this guy...and how could he do this? This unemployed pothead father of 3 or 4 kids??? WTF?!?
And then one of my 20 something coworkers turns to me and says, "You know, you need to get on Tinder..."
=)
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